The book called the game about dating
Any way you could do this—and there were lots of bizarre techniques with goofy names, like “peacocking,” where you might wear an outlandish hat to give people something to comment on—helped you get the access you needed to try to convince someone to sleep with you. I was surprised when I first read [Strauss: Yes, totally.Obviously, it was important not to seem desperate while applying these very detailed rules you learned in a self-help book. Tinder has happened, Strauss is older, and he knows not all of the book ages well; he now calls some of the techniques he documented—and used—“objectifying and horrifying.” He’s married to a woman he loves very much, for which his pickup-artist friends of yesteryear might accuse him of having a case of “one-itis.” For was also a numbers game: Hit on enough women and eventually one of them was bound to succumb to your advances. Gilsinan: If I read it right, you start out scared to talk to women, you learn all these techniques and score a lot, and then, to spoil it, you meet this woman for whom none of it works and you fall in love and swear off your player ways. I think more people have heard about than have actually read it.
Even when I wrote it, I didn’t think it would be a guide. Before that I really thought I was healthy, I had parents who loved me, they were never divorced, I had a good childhood, and all of a sudden she saw the story I didn’t. Gilsinan: And the reason there’s an entire book that takes place after that is because seeing the problem is not the same as solving it, right? Strauss: It’s true, that’s when I went to such an extreme that everything’s a technique.
I thought it would be a book about male insecurity. And so at that level you realize was about being in this power relationship—ok, you’re safe because you’re in control, you’re not being vulnerable. The guys would practice taking photos with each other to see how they could look more dominant in a photo.
If I just said the acceptable parts of a community it wouldn’t be an honest nonfiction account.
So for sure, now that you’re mentioning these things, I think that there was a journey through all these characters as a reporter, and not to confuse the reporter with a message per se.
Kathy Gilsinan: It’s hilarious that this interview got postponed a couple of times. So I think all of a sudden there were these horrid ideas that people read about in Gilsinan: It’s interesting you say almost regretfully that it became the Bible, because it was marketed that way, right?
I have a copy that’s on my desk that has [gilt edges], it has a red-ribbon bookmark. It was designed by my publisher at the time like a Bible. Gilsinan: But it’s interesting too, given the way the book ends, with you meeting this woman who is not impressed by any of this stuff, and then you end up with her.
I’ve never been in a place where I just have everything I needed. even begins with one of those guys, and they met somebody and fell in love and had a family, and they didn’t get compulsive about it like I did.
I suppose it’s one of those books where it’s like a forking path, depending on who you are coming to reading it.
So I’m wondering if the guy you meet at the beginning of or was it something else? I would hope that at no time is that ever okay in history. But now he wouldn’t be able to get out of bed without rocks being thrown through his window. But I’m wondering, aside from some of the abhorrent techniques that you’ve sort of disavowed, are there any principles you think apply in the Tinder era?Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating