“Every date you go on, except with the last person you’ll ever date, will end in failure,” Oates said.“It took me over a 1,000 dates to find my fiancee, and she and I happened because we were both ready for love, not because we were both looking for love.” Church said people need to be open to getting hurt because it’s part of the process.
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Oates is now engaged, and he said before that his approach was to date as many people as he could at once. “I equate it to a little boy putting 10 different kinds of candy in his mouth at the same time and then trying to figure out which was his favorite.” UVU graduate Greg Vandagriff, 30, said his approach is to pick two or three girls outside his ward and to date them simultaneously.
“This can prevent you from being too clingy and invested while shielding you from blowback of ward drama,” he said.
With two crowded universities of single adults looking for the same thing (marriage), it becomes an endless choice, making it difficult to choose and be satisfied.
“People often have deal breakers lists and high expectations, but it comes down to biochemistry,” Church said.
Whatever the approach, being single in one’s late 20’s or 30’s in a culture that intensively focuses on marriage and family does not come without challenges and heartaches.
Vandagriff said he often feels disconnected and has a hard time fitting in with friends his age, the majority of whom are married.
For instance, a text or call constitutes one point. According to him, if a man calls a woman, he now has one point.
A Facebook message or post is half a point, while leaving a voicemail or stopping by someone’s apartment is two points. If he then drops something off at her apartment, he has two points, giving him a total of three points. Oates, who advises others to use his three point rule, or his “dating game,” said it serves as guideline to know when to give up pursuing a person.
Some have found ways to remedy the challenge of finding their better half by using new approaches.
Zack Oates, a 29-year-old BYU graduate who has published over 150,000 words on dating in his blog, firmly believes in his “three points rule” when it comes to pursuing another in the dating sphere.
The book is available on Amazon and at Pioneer Bookstore on Center Street in Provo.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating