I will use intimidating shout

by Fred Zurofsky If you look around and observe the relationships of your close friends, you will see that some husbands play the role of the intimidator. As an intimidator, he controls you and the children by making you fear him.

Isolated events do not create these feelings unless the event was very traumatic.

However, repeated events can cause a young mind to be reminded of earlier events and reinforces them.

WHAT TO DO This is the hardest part to manage because you're never sure of his reactions. Then in as calmest way possible, let him know that you don't intend to be a threat to him, but if you don't fulfill your needs, you will be unhappy and will have fewer positive and more negative feelings towards him.

Building a higher level of trust is very important at this point and your calmness will help a lot.

Some submit and become docile, ineffective, resentful victims.

Others vow to never allow this kind of treatment when they become adults and may also develop into intimidators themselves. Being small and incapable of operating in the world on our own, we are aware at some level that we are dependent on this intimidating, shouting person for all our security and survival. Since we don't have the capacity to analyze and understand what's happening (and may not have any basis in our actions) at the moment.

This will help you to sit calmly until his rage has subsided.

Keep focusing on this thought so that you think, "the more he shouts, the more unhappy he is." Being outside of your own reactions, can allow you to seek to understand what is causing him to react as he does, what are his fears and need are and how you can help him through and understand these episodes.

This adds some substance and reality to our feelings. You need to gain an understanding that his shouting and intimidations represent his own unhappiness.

Tags: , ,