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I’m not suggesting you grab your pants and do a and intimacy and casualness tend to extinguish one another.
Most hookups don’t start with someone coming up to another person and asking, “Would you be down to have some sex tonight with no expectations for the future and no commitment whatsoever?
Casual hookups can be militantly Sex-Only, or they can involve a drink or two at a nice bar with some Michelob Light-grade conversation. Now, this isn’t an invitation to be boring or taciturn, it’s just a plea for you to keep it easy-breezy. Or, more likely, one person gearing up to want more than casual sex.
This is an occasion in which normally-lackluster topics like “Where did you grow up? Ask about movies, books, or music if you want, but don’t try to peacock about your Bitcoin investment or SAT scores. Invite someone over and tell them a little too much about red wine flavor profiles, which you learned from You Tube videos. Don’t suggest hangs that can be easily misconstrued as a date—sit-down meals, movies, museums, and the like. There is a scene in that no one outside of my family remembers, in which Linguini accuses Remy (the rat chef) of “getting fancy with the spices.” In familial parlance it’s become shorthand for going overboard out of desperation to do well.
If they’re a friend or acquaintance, you both may have to renegotiate your friendship a bit after you’ve slept together.
You may need to navigate weird situations like what role you play at their birthday. You two aren’t dating, you don’t get a say on what they do or what they wear or who else they have relationships with. Don’t start going the extra mile by offering to pick up their parents from the airport, which sets up a dynamic that once again replicates dating.
You’re unafraid to say “one inch to the left.” But sex with the same person, with whom you currently have a minor standoff going over who’s going to call the landlord about the water spot in the ceiling in the kitchen, can also become rote in a way casual sex cannot.
Even though you’ll inevitably end up staying elsewhere from time-to-time, casualness is something that you should exude through your attitude, not your apartment’s cleanliness level, so best to just be prepared. Own at least as many pillows as there are sex participants. Buy 17 different kinds so you can switch it up every night! If you’re having casual sex, accept that condoms will always be part of that equation.
If you hang out with someone long enough, you become friends, and then you’re friends who are regularly sleeping together and spending the subsequent day together, and then bam!
The next thing you know, you’re at CVS getting them a cheesy Valentine's Day card.
The of one-time sex is that it requires so little of us.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating