Dating someone older than you bad

When it came to my turn I didn’t think much about my answer, but adhering to the ‘interesting and unusual’ request I went with ‘my boyfriend is older than my dad.’ I thought it would get a laugh. What it actually got was a sharp intake of breath and a very wide berth from everyone on my course for the rest of the term.

In retrospect, maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing I’d ever done.

As you can probably imagine, my family weren’t wild about the situation either, adopting a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy about the relationship.

Even though this guy and I were 25 years apart, we had a lot in common. I didn't know then that our age gap would define the relationship. I got that; but even though I knew there was no future, I didn’t cut it off completely. After it ended, he talked to a lot of people about our relationship -- and what happened through the grapevine was unexpected. Women judged me as having an ulterior, economic motive: “She just dated him for his money,” or “She thought she could get ahead.” In our society people are so quick to judge a young, naïve woman -- never the older man who perhaps should’ve known better too.

We worked in the same profession, had similar interests, and shared common philosophical views. So what if he was wrinkly, in all the places you might expect? There was zero jealousy on both sides, and I never saw him check out another woman -- due to him being satisfied, of course, but also him being well-seasoned in how to respect the opposite sex. Another lesson in dating: a fling with someone in your professional/personal circle is more often than not bad news. I have a friend who’s been married to someone for more than a decade who is 20 years older than her.

Can your friends and family accept the relationship, and if not how much does that bother you both?

And, much as I hate to say it, can you make your peace with the fact that your partner will probably die before you?

It changed the vibe, and if they were really honest, it wasn’t how they would have chosen to socialise.

Just because I wanted to seek out the company of someone so much older, didn’t mean that they felt the same way.I grew up the only child of older parents (who are also 10 years apart), and often felt like an awkward old lady trapped inside a teeny-bopper’s body. I admit, I wasn’t as physically attracted to him as I had been to other partners. Have you ever seen a girl with a hideous boyfriend and thought, “Seriously, how the f$*k did he pull that off? Either he's just a nice friggin’ dude; or being with him boosts her self-confidence. In my case, the age gap was actually a cavernous black hole defying space and time. He’s old and sick now, and she takes care of him (even financially), but she’s still partying and sleeping around. I sometimes imagine what would have happened if I had stayed with my older man. The last I heard, my older ex was in a tumultuous relationship with another 20-something, this time a singer reminiscent of Björk. Similarly, the good natured flirting with my friends that my ex enjoyed wouldn’t have mattered much if he had been younger, but as it was it made them uncomfortable and meant that I ended up separating out my social life, keeping my friends separate from my boyfriend.His friends were much more relaxed, but sometimes found it difficult not to patronise me, or even question why I wasn’t off dating someone my own age.But it’s an inconvenient truth that the bigger the age gap, the more there is to consider.

Tags: , ,