Dating after relationship break up

We’re here to help you sort through how you’re feeling and work out what you want to happen next.

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“You have this drive to get that fix in the form of being around the person that you care about.” So my breakup was a cocaine withdrawal? “We have this pervasive idea that, ‘oh, it’s just a breakup, it’s not that big of a deal,’” he said.

“Whereas emotionally it can be quite a big deal, and [breakups] can be a risk factor for depression, which is no clinical condition to take lightly.

How dare he not fight harder for this relationship?

How dare something end that was so promising and beautiful?

Arguments interrupted even the briefest phone conversations. One afternoon at the end of my workday, eight months after our relationship began, I found myself sitting in my parked car, dialing his number in a moment of panic and confusion. In the nights that followed, I had the dramatic push-pull experience that everyone experiences immediately following a breakup: on top of the world and triumphant in my decision one moment, certain that my ex would come crawling back, confident that I had made the right call, and then suddenly heartbroken, afraid, and completely numb, somehow all simultaneously. I sat by my window and listened to “A Case of You” on repeat. When I spoke to Brian Boutwell, an evolutionary psychologist at St.

Louis University, he gave me some insight into the science behind my sadness.

But most importantly, how dare I — an outspoken feminist, constantly touting women’s independence, glory, power, resilience — betray women by behaving like my life was over because of something as trivial as a breakup? I had lost a man, a friend, a partner, but I hadn’t lost myself.

So I embarked on a quest to reclaim myself, to turn this breakup into an opportunity for renewal and self-discovery, rather than an excuse to feel sorry for myself.

Some clients tell us they worry that they aren’t dealing with a breakup as they should be or that friends or family expect them to snap out of it.

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