Anxious attachment style dating

You craved attention and nurturing, but didn’t receive it. You continue to need a lot of intimacy as a way to quiet your fears.You question your worth and suspect there’s something wrong with you. According to the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, approximately 50% of adults are securely attached, 25% are avoidant, 20% are anxious, and the remaining 5% are a combination.They probably don’t talk about (or even think about) their feelings very much.

Consciously it makes no sense for an anxious and avoidant to connect, but unconsciously this pattern keeps those strongly ingrained internal beliefs about ourselves intact.

In other words, we recreate relationship dynamics similar to those we had with our parents because they’re familiar, reinforce our beliefs about ourselves, and we’re trying to get our needs met in the best ways we know how.

Securely attached people tend to have happier, longer lasting relationships built on trust.

They feel comfortable expressing their feelings and needs.

The anxious person feels unworthy (or flawed or unlovable) and an avoidant partner’s distance serves as proof of his/her unworthiness.

And when the avoidant person dates someone’s anxious, it validates his/her belief that relationships are overwhelming, disappointing, and s/he is better off relying on him/herself.The more common and troubled relationship is the one between someone with an avoidant attachment and someone with an anxious attachment.These relationships are fraught with turmoil and chaos.Your need for closeness and intimacy never seems satisfied and you’re left wondering if your partner really wants to be with you.An anxious attachment results when your parents (or early caregivers) were inconsistent in meeting your needs.They didn’t always pay close attention to your physical or emotional needs and when they did respond they may have been distracted or preoccupied.

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